Born to be a mother...

After I named this blog I struggled a bit with my title choice. Since becoming a mother nearly one year ago, I am reminded at unexpected times of the extent to which my life has changed. Things that were once priorities in my life: work, friends, leisure time, working out, all take a backseat to my new role as mother. While I love my daughter more than I ever knew it was possible to love another person, and while I love being a mother, I worry I've let any speck of what remained of me slip away.

From the second Lacey was born all this latent "wiring" sparked to life and her first cry was a lighting bold in my head, "She needs to eat" it screamed! I never expected to be so physically in tune to her needs. When she was just a few days old and I was exhausted and frustrated with her sleeping only about thirty minutes at a stretch I tried the "cry-it-out" method of teaching your child to sleep. After ten minutes of her screaming I found myself sitting outside her bedroom door a sobbing mess. Even sleep-deprived and desperate I was only happy when her needs were met. My now active "wiring" or mothering instinct controlled my actions and my happiness.

I can think of no other life event that changes who you are, what you do, or what your priorities are as much as having a child. But when I look back on the time just after I brought her home I realize I was still more than a bundle of nurturing instincts. I kept up my voracious love of reading while I breastfed and I planned (all day sometimes) to soak in a hot bubble bath while she took her longest nap of the day. I bundled Lacey up and took her on long walks in the local park...walks that I needed and she slept through. I did all this while being there for her as a mother in all the ways I needed and wanted to be.

Of all the ways I could be defined, Lacey's Mama is by far the most apt. The other things that I am are still there and as Lacey grows up I hope she will get to know me as, not just Mama, but as Mandy...the woman who made huge, life-changing decisions for her good (and will continue to make whatever changes benefit her), but who will always make time for a great piece of fiction or a walk in the park.