While I'm between jobs I thought it might be healthy to revisit some goals I've let take a backseat to my hectic schedule. A few months ago a co-worker of mine brought the American Film Institute's list of the 100 Greatest Movies to work. We talked about trying to see all the movies on the list. I looked up the list again recently and I am going to work on completing it! I've seen 18 movies on the list to-date.
Sunday my dad and I watched The Maltese Falcon. It is fun to watch how different acting was then as compared to today. There wan't much subtlety...and you could fit a car through the holes in the plot. But there is no replacing Bogart as Sam Spade--a woman of any generation would melt if he lit a cigarette, looked at you from under his tilted hat and called you "sweetheart"!
Maybe after I watch the remaining movies I'll move on to exercise and healthy eating...right now my priority is Casablanca!
http://www.afi.com/Docs/tvevents/pdf/movies100.pdf
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Friday, December 01, 2006
Working Mom No Longer
I have recently joined the ranks of the unemployed. This is a new experience for me. I have been continuously employed since high school when I got my first part-time job. In college, while the students I went to school with took breaks from work to focus on school, I took breaks from school to focus on work and bolstering my savings account so I could pay for a few more quarters.
After college I spent two years as every employers dream: fresh out of college; willing to work for a pittance; no other responsibilities; eager to throw myself into my work. I did all that my job called for and more. I worked weekends. I volunteered for out-of-town seminars and training. If there was an opportunity to cast my pearls before the decision makers, I was there at the front of the line, freshly-ironed pantsuit gleaming. Then I committed the most selfish and inconsiderate act any woman ever can to betray her employer: I got pregnant.
I maintained my 50-60 hour-per-week devotion to work throughout my pregnancy (for the most part). My water broke one morning in December while I was getting ready for work; twenty-two hours later I was mom to a 6lb 4oz tiny baby girl! She didn't have to say anything, I knew immediately she would not tolerate my break-neck schedule.
Fast forward to the end of my maternity leave: I found myself relocating to Charlotte, NC. My current company had no openings there, and I could've spent years waiting on a transfer, so I resigned and began searching for a new job. I took a sales position with a small, up-start staffing company.
The problem with small companies is that they don't have the resources to support and maintain employees who need time off for whatever reason: their own sickness, sickness of a family member. Just before I got this job, Lacey was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and had to see a pediatric orthopedist once a week. In addition to the weekly specialist visits were ultrasounds on her hips and the usual well-baby visits with her pediatrician. Throw in a couple of ear infections, and I over-drew the already meager sick day allowance in just a few months.
It finally happened last week. I was "let go" due to excessive absences. I've never been fired from a job (let's call it what it is, rather than "let go"). I can't explain the feeling of embarrassment and failure, but also of righteousness. I could never under any circumstances short-change my daughter's health or well-being. If I had it to do over again, knowing the eventual outcome, I would take every bit of the time off again.
This whole experience leads me to ask, "How does a mother successfully maintain a career"? Things would be easier if I was still with my previous employer, as I had nearly 6 years with them, but beginning a new job? FMLA coverage doesn’t take effect until you've been with an employer for 12 months (3 more months at my last job and it would've been illegal for them to fire me due to a family member's illness). If a woman is already in a stable career, she is protected. But what about a mother entering or returning to the workforce? What incentives are there for a small business to hire or retain working moms (I'm not blind to the financial burdens placed on the businesses)?
I don't know if the answer lies in bolstering the laws that protect parents in the workforce or if the burden should lie with private companies and their policies. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I would imagine the cost of high employee turnover is greater than the cost to retain an employee through a family illness.
As I search for a new job with any luck I'll come across the solution. I'm afraid right now though, that my generation won't see any solutions. Hopefully my daughter will find it easier to play the role of both mother and wage-earner.
After college I spent two years as every employers dream: fresh out of college; willing to work for a pittance; no other responsibilities; eager to throw myself into my work. I did all that my job called for and more. I worked weekends. I volunteered for out-of-town seminars and training. If there was an opportunity to cast my pearls before the decision makers, I was there at the front of the line, freshly-ironed pantsuit gleaming. Then I committed the most selfish and inconsiderate act any woman ever can to betray her employer: I got pregnant.
I maintained my 50-60 hour-per-week devotion to work throughout my pregnancy (for the most part). My water broke one morning in December while I was getting ready for work; twenty-two hours later I was mom to a 6lb 4oz tiny baby girl! She didn't have to say anything, I knew immediately she would not tolerate my break-neck schedule.
Fast forward to the end of my maternity leave: I found myself relocating to Charlotte, NC. My current company had no openings there, and I could've spent years waiting on a transfer, so I resigned and began searching for a new job. I took a sales position with a small, up-start staffing company.
The problem with small companies is that they don't have the resources to support and maintain employees who need time off for whatever reason: their own sickness, sickness of a family member. Just before I got this job, Lacey was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and had to see a pediatric orthopedist once a week. In addition to the weekly specialist visits were ultrasounds on her hips and the usual well-baby visits with her pediatrician. Throw in a couple of ear infections, and I over-drew the already meager sick day allowance in just a few months.
It finally happened last week. I was "let go" due to excessive absences. I've never been fired from a job (let's call it what it is, rather than "let go"). I can't explain the feeling of embarrassment and failure, but also of righteousness. I could never under any circumstances short-change my daughter's health or well-being. If I had it to do over again, knowing the eventual outcome, I would take every bit of the time off again.
This whole experience leads me to ask, "How does a mother successfully maintain a career"? Things would be easier if I was still with my previous employer, as I had nearly 6 years with them, but beginning a new job? FMLA coverage doesn’t take effect until you've been with an employer for 12 months (3 more months at my last job and it would've been illegal for them to fire me due to a family member's illness). If a woman is already in a stable career, she is protected. But what about a mother entering or returning to the workforce? What incentives are there for a small business to hire or retain working moms (I'm not blind to the financial burdens placed on the businesses)?
I don't know if the answer lies in bolstering the laws that protect parents in the workforce or if the burden should lie with private companies and their policies. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I would imagine the cost of high employee turnover is greater than the cost to retain an employee through a family illness.
As I search for a new job with any luck I'll come across the solution. I'm afraid right now though, that my generation won't see any solutions. Hopefully my daughter will find it easier to play the role of both mother and wage-earner.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Born to be a mother...
After I named this blog I struggled a bit with my title choice. Since becoming a mother nearly one year ago, I am reminded at unexpected times of the extent to which my life has changed. Things that were once priorities in my life: work, friends, leisure time, working out, all take a backseat to my new role as mother. While I love my daughter more than I ever knew it was possible to love another person, and while I love being a mother, I worry I've let any speck of what remained of me slip away.
From the second Lacey was born all this latent "wiring" sparked to life and her first cry was a lighting bold in my head, "She needs to eat" it screamed! I never expected to be so physically in tune to her needs. When she was just a few days old and I was exhausted and frustrated with her sleeping only about thirty minutes at a stretch I tried the "cry-it-out" method of teaching your child to sleep. After ten minutes of her screaming I found myself sitting outside her bedroom door a sobbing mess. Even sleep-deprived and desperate I was only happy when her needs were met. My now active "wiring" or mothering instinct controlled my actions and my happiness.
I can think of no other life event that changes who you are, what you do, or what your priorities are as much as having a child. But when I look back on the time just after I brought her home I realize I was still more than a bundle of nurturing instincts. I kept up my voracious love of reading while I breastfed and I planned (all day sometimes) to soak in a hot bubble bath while she took her longest nap of the day. I bundled Lacey up and took her on long walks in the local park...walks that I needed and she slept through. I did all this while being there for her as a mother in all the ways I needed and wanted to be.
Of all the ways I could be defined, Lacey's Mama is by far the most apt. The other things that I am are still there and as Lacey grows up I hope she will get to know me as, not just Mama, but as Mandy...the woman who made huge, life-changing decisions for her good (and will continue to make whatever changes benefit her), but who will always make time for a great piece of fiction or a walk in the park.
From the second Lacey was born all this latent "wiring" sparked to life and her first cry was a lighting bold in my head, "She needs to eat" it screamed! I never expected to be so physically in tune to her needs. When she was just a few days old and I was exhausted and frustrated with her sleeping only about thirty minutes at a stretch I tried the "cry-it-out" method of teaching your child to sleep. After ten minutes of her screaming I found myself sitting outside her bedroom door a sobbing mess. Even sleep-deprived and desperate I was only happy when her needs were met. My now active "wiring" or mothering instinct controlled my actions and my happiness.
I can think of no other life event that changes who you are, what you do, or what your priorities are as much as having a child. But when I look back on the time just after I brought her home I realize I was still more than a bundle of nurturing instincts. I kept up my voracious love of reading while I breastfed and I planned (all day sometimes) to soak in a hot bubble bath while she took her longest nap of the day. I bundled Lacey up and took her on long walks in the local park...walks that I needed and she slept through. I did all this while being there for her as a mother in all the ways I needed and wanted to be.
Of all the ways I could be defined, Lacey's Mama is by far the most apt. The other things that I am are still there and as Lacey grows up I hope she will get to know me as, not just Mama, but as Mandy...the woman who made huge, life-changing decisions for her good (and will continue to make whatever changes benefit her), but who will always make time for a great piece of fiction or a walk in the park.
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