Over the past year we have experienced some financial setbacks that have forced me to live on a much smaller income than I ever have before and to support two babies on that reduced income. I had to make some obvious changes to my spending habits and lifestyle. Now we are (thankfully) recovering from our financial dry-spell, but I’ve found that I’ve held on to most of the changes I was forced to make. I’m a much more fugal spender than before. This does not mean I’m cheap! I just consider every purchase more carefully and truly consider the return on each dollar I spend. Before I run off to buy something at the store, I first ask myself “Is this something I need?” If it is, I ask, “Is this something I can make myself?” I reuse EVERYTHING! That package of zip lock bags cost over $2.00 and I can make it last twice as long by washing and reusing the bags. I go to the grocery more frequently, but spend less overall since I’m buying fresh ingredients to cook at home. All these little changes add up to a considerable amount of money and honestly, once you start doing them they easily become habit.
The single best way I managed to cut my spending though was by far the simplest: I stayed at home more. Every time I leave the house I run into the opportunity to spend money. There is the gas for my car, if the errands take longer than usual I may have to buy lunch, and retail stores, of course, are designed to make you want to buy their products! Staying at home avoids all of this. It seems every time I leave the house I think of something I “need”. When I make a point of staying at home, I can usually come up with a creative way to fulfill those “needs” without buying anything.
When my day is uninterrupted by trips out of the house its amazing what I can accomplish. My house generally stays cleaner since I can straighten up throughout the day, rather than digging out from underneath an entire day’s accumulation of mess just once a day or so. I spend more relaxed, quality time with my girls because tasks around the house haven’t piled up. When my list of duties around the house is manageable I can let my 2-year-old “help”!
There is a less tangible benefit to staying at home. We hear often that the world is becoming smaller. We are so connected electronically and travel is relatively cheap for Americans. The entire world is at our fingertips. Within five minutes of my home are a myriad of things to do, to buy and to see. The more of that stuff there is and the more accessible it is, the less content we become in our own homes. There is something healthy about being comfortable in your own home, being comfortable in your own company. You can choose to find joy in keeping your home, rather than drudgery, but it has to be chosen in resistance to the drive to move, spend, and be needlessly busy. Be busy! But be busy in a way that is fulfilling rather than feeding a restlessness that can never be calmed.
Rather than embrace our shrinking world, I have slowed down and allowed mine to grow larger. Surprisingly (or maybe not so much), I’ve found much more fulfillment in ceasing to chase it than I ever did in the pursuit of it.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
What have you done lately?
So over the past year or so I've really committed myself to going "green". This has the potential of being a huge undertaking, and once you find other like-minded and more devoted green-living folk...well, you begin to feel like you can never do enough! I find it inspiring to list the things I do do!
* Haven't bought paper towels for over 6 months. (Chris is another story...I'm working on him.)
* Phasing out chemical cleaners in favor of vinegar, water and baking soda. (The salad smell fades quickly!)
* Make our own bread (Most of the time, reduces waste and eliminates the purchase of one more item that has been shipped all over the country.)
* Buy used! (I did this with clothing before it was vogue and before I knew it was green!)
* Actually use the sewing kit I've had for years to get more mileage out of the clothes I have.
* Planted a (miserable failure of a) garden! Next year will be better.
* Wash all clothes, with very few exceptions, in cold water.
* Reuse my plastic bags at the grocery. (This probably isn't as good as cloth, but I think its warrants mention.)
* Use cloth breast pads. (I really encourage any Bfing moms to try these, they beat the pants off the disposable ones!)
* Breastfeeding! (Of course this is green...but shhhhhh...don't jinx it, its going much more smoothly than with my first daughter!)
* Our table scraps, instead of going in the disposal or trashcan, are tossed into our (miserable failure of a) garden.
* Stopped buying bananas. (This may not seem like much, but explain that to my toddler!)
So I think you can see that you're probably doing more than you realize that could be called green. Typically, the things you do in the name of frugality or health tend to have a parallel environmental benefit. So show me your list, however short!!
* Haven't bought paper towels for over 6 months. (Chris is another story...I'm working on him.)
* Phasing out chemical cleaners in favor of vinegar, water and baking soda. (The salad smell fades quickly!)
* Make our own bread (Most of the time, reduces waste and eliminates the purchase of one more item that has been shipped all over the country.)
* Buy used! (I did this with clothing before it was vogue and before I knew it was green!)
* Actually use the sewing kit I've had for years to get more mileage out of the clothes I have.
* Planted a (miserable failure of a) garden! Next year will be better.
* Wash all clothes, with very few exceptions, in cold water.
* Reuse my plastic bags at the grocery. (This probably isn't as good as cloth, but I think its warrants mention.)
* Use cloth breast pads. (I really encourage any Bfing moms to try these, they beat the pants off the disposable ones!)
* Breastfeeding! (Of course this is green...but shhhhhh...don't jinx it, its going much more smoothly than with my first daughter!)
* Our table scraps, instead of going in the disposal or trashcan, are tossed into our (miserable failure of a) garden.
* Stopped buying bananas. (This may not seem like much, but explain that to my toddler!)
So I think you can see that you're probably doing more than you realize that could be called green. Typically, the things you do in the name of frugality or health tend to have a parallel environmental benefit. So show me your list, however short!!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Happy
Prevailing wisdom would have us believe that unexpected tragedy is the best way to have our blessings appear in sharp relief against the backdrop of our suffering, stress, and anxiety. I have been lucky in my life thus far not to have experienced a tragedy of this sort. So how does someone like me, with the requisite number of stressors that come with parenthood and adult life, but lacking the world-view changing tragic event, count her blessings?
Last Thursday, June 21st, I gave birth to my second daughter. We brought Ava Marie home to meet her two big sisters, Lacey and Kaylee (my wonderful stepdaughter), Saturday afternoon. Since Saturday my home has been a happy whirlwind of visiting friends and relatives.
Towards the end of this pregnancy I worried about the lack of fanfare surrounding the arrival of my second-born. With Lacey there were baby showers and all the general excitement of the arrival of a first baby. Lacey and I basked in the glow of all the attention! We were the hottest attraction around for at least her first month! Fast forward to Ava's arrival...no showers, a few cards. All of Lacey's out-grown baby clothes, toys and supplies have been dusted off and dragged out of the closet for their second round. Despite all the visitors and the hard work of my daughter and I getting to know each other and learning to read her cues, a kind of serene contentment has settled in my life.
Ava has fallen into her place in our family with such ease. And she has brought with her a pure joy I have never experienced before. Lacey and Kaylee both have their part in this feeling too. When I watch them fawn over Ava and beg to hold her and kiss her, I am literally awash with happiness. I think surely there is something, sometime I've done and then forgotten that makes me deserving of this kind of joy.
So this is how an already fortunate person like myself counts her blessings: I watch three beautiful little girls at play in my livingroom (usually not fighting!), I watch their dad pause from his chores outside to wrestle and toss in the air his adoring daughters...in general, I just open my eyes in the morning and there all my blessings are, lined up for my enjoyment.
So, the moral of this story? Happiness begets happiness maybe? I don't know...and maybe that's the point, the not knowing. Maybe the best way for me to honor my overflow of blessings is to embrace them without question, along with whatever else life throws my way.
Monday, January 01, 2007
My New Year's Resolution!
So Christmas is over and Lacey is the proud owner of piles of new loud, flashy, exciting "educational" toys. I believe every last present she received this year incorporated some manner of talking book, dancing animal, motorized train and many other toys whose only requirement is that Lacey press a button and sit back and watch the action. I have begun to question the educational value of pushing a button to initiate a flurry of activity over and over and over again.
I have also begun to question my fragile sanity. I like for my home to be as serene as the home of a toddler can be. I make an effort to keep the TV off most of the day, I listen to talk radio during the day (which easily blends into the background) rather than radio stations that play the same five songs over and over. I like to quietly cuddle with Lacey as she takes her bottle. The cozy nest I try to foster is now frequently interrupted by a piercing "HELLO! I'm a BLUE KITTY!!" from the new talking phone Lacey received for Christmas.
I did a little research and it turns out there is substantial evidence that today's "educational" toys don't really stand up to some good old building blocks (the non-electric wooden kind). According to PNN Online: "...real educational toys are not the flashy gadgets and gismos with big promises, but the staples that have built creative thinkers for decades."
http://pnnonline.org/article.php?sid=7151
In this article is also a nice list of things to consider when searching for educational toys:
*Look for a toy that is 10 percent toy and 90 percent child.
"A lot of these toys direct the play activity of our children by talking to them, singing to them, asking them to press buttons and levers," Hirsh-Pasek says. "But our children like to figure out what is going on by themselves. I look for a toy that doesn't command the child, but lets the child command it."
*Toys are meant to be platforms for play.
"Toys should be props for a child's playing, not engineering or directing the child's play," Golinkoff adds. "Toys must awaken the child's imagination and uniqueness."
*How much can you do with it?
"If it's a toy that asks your child to supply one thing, such as fill-in-the-blank or give one right answer, it is not allowing children to express their creativity," says Hirsh-Pasek. "I look for something that they can take apart and remake or reassemble into something different, which builds their imagination. Toys like these give your child opportunities to 'make their own worlds.'"
*Look to see if the toy promises brain growth.
"Look carefully at the pictures and promises on the box," Hirsh-Pasek says. "If the toy is promising that your child is going to be smarter, it's a red flag. If it is promising that your child is going to be bilingual or learn calculus by playing with it, the chances are high that this is not going to happen - even with a tremendous amount of parental intervention."
*Does the toy encourage social interaction?
"It is fine for your child to have alone time, but it is great for them to be with others," says Golinkoff. "I always look to see if more than one child can play with the toy at the same time because that's when kids learn the negotiation skills they need to be successful in life."
*How much are you spending?
"Old-fashioned retro toys that don't cost so much and are usually hidden in the back shelves are usually much healthier for children than the ones that have fancier boxes and cost $89.99," Hirsh-Pasek says. As examples, she cites red rubber balls, simple building blocks, clay and crayons. "Your child gets to build their imagination around these toys and they don't command what your child does, but your child commands what they do."
So, on to my resolution! I am going to replace most of Lacey's new loud, passive-entertainment toys with some of the staples of educational learning: blocks, puzzles, books, clay. It will be sticky going about this in a way that does not offend the thoughtful relatives and friends who love Lacey so much and I know put much thought into their gifts...its just that when 25 people buy your typical educational electronic, light-up toy...the result is that my house now has 25 electronic, light-up toys (and still just one eager-to-learn baby)!
As I offer Lacey more of the simple toys on my list I'll update this blog with her reactions! Wish me luck and Happy New Year!
I have also begun to question my fragile sanity. I like for my home to be as serene as the home of a toddler can be. I make an effort to keep the TV off most of the day, I listen to talk radio during the day (which easily blends into the background) rather than radio stations that play the same five songs over and over. I like to quietly cuddle with Lacey as she takes her bottle. The cozy nest I try to foster is now frequently interrupted by a piercing "HELLO! I'm a BLUE KITTY!!" from the new talking phone Lacey received for Christmas.
I did a little research and it turns out there is substantial evidence that today's "educational" toys don't really stand up to some good old building blocks (the non-electric wooden kind). According to PNN Online: "...real educational toys are not the flashy gadgets and gismos with big promises, but the staples that have built creative thinkers for decades."
http://pnnonline.org/article.php?sid=7151
In this article is also a nice list of things to consider when searching for educational toys:
*Look for a toy that is 10 percent toy and 90 percent child.
"A lot of these toys direct the play activity of our children by talking to them, singing to them, asking them to press buttons and levers," Hirsh-Pasek says. "But our children like to figure out what is going on by themselves. I look for a toy that doesn't command the child, but lets the child command it."
*Toys are meant to be platforms for play.
"Toys should be props for a child's playing, not engineering or directing the child's play," Golinkoff adds. "Toys must awaken the child's imagination and uniqueness."
*How much can you do with it?
"If it's a toy that asks your child to supply one thing, such as fill-in-the-blank or give one right answer, it is not allowing children to express their creativity," says Hirsh-Pasek. "I look for something that they can take apart and remake or reassemble into something different, which builds their imagination. Toys like these give your child opportunities to 'make their own worlds.'"
*Look to see if the toy promises brain growth.
"Look carefully at the pictures and promises on the box," Hirsh-Pasek says. "If the toy is promising that your child is going to be smarter, it's a red flag. If it is promising that your child is going to be bilingual or learn calculus by playing with it, the chances are high that this is not going to happen - even with a tremendous amount of parental intervention."
*Does the toy encourage social interaction?
"It is fine for your child to have alone time, but it is great for them to be with others," says Golinkoff. "I always look to see if more than one child can play with the toy at the same time because that's when kids learn the negotiation skills they need to be successful in life."
*How much are you spending?
"Old-fashioned retro toys that don't cost so much and are usually hidden in the back shelves are usually much healthier for children than the ones that have fancier boxes and cost $89.99," Hirsh-Pasek says. As examples, she cites red rubber balls, simple building blocks, clay and crayons. "Your child gets to build their imagination around these toys and they don't command what your child does, but your child commands what they do."
So, on to my resolution! I am going to replace most of Lacey's new loud, passive-entertainment toys with some of the staples of educational learning: blocks, puzzles, books, clay. It will be sticky going about this in a way that does not offend the thoughtful relatives and friends who love Lacey so much and I know put much thought into their gifts...its just that when 25 people buy your typical educational electronic, light-up toy...the result is that my house now has 25 electronic, light-up toys (and still just one eager-to-learn baby)!
As I offer Lacey more of the simple toys on my list I'll update this blog with her reactions! Wish me luck and Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Best 100 Movies
While I'm between jobs I thought it might be healthy to revisit some goals I've let take a backseat to my hectic schedule. A few months ago a co-worker of mine brought the American Film Institute's list of the 100 Greatest Movies to work. We talked about trying to see all the movies on the list. I looked up the list again recently and I am going to work on completing it! I've seen 18 movies on the list to-date.
Sunday my dad and I watched The Maltese Falcon. It is fun to watch how different acting was then as compared to today. There wan't much subtlety...and you could fit a car through the holes in the plot. But there is no replacing Bogart as Sam Spade--a woman of any generation would melt if he lit a cigarette, looked at you from under his tilted hat and called you "sweetheart"!
Maybe after I watch the remaining movies I'll move on to exercise and healthy eating...right now my priority is Casablanca!
http://www.afi.com/Docs/tvevents/pdf/movies100.pdf
Sunday my dad and I watched The Maltese Falcon. It is fun to watch how different acting was then as compared to today. There wan't much subtlety...and you could fit a car through the holes in the plot. But there is no replacing Bogart as Sam Spade--a woman of any generation would melt if he lit a cigarette, looked at you from under his tilted hat and called you "sweetheart"!
Maybe after I watch the remaining movies I'll move on to exercise and healthy eating...right now my priority is Casablanca!
http://www.afi.com/Docs/tvevents/pdf/movies100.pdf
Friday, December 01, 2006
Working Mom No Longer
I have recently joined the ranks of the unemployed. This is a new experience for me. I have been continuously employed since high school when I got my first part-time job. In college, while the students I went to school with took breaks from work to focus on school, I took breaks from school to focus on work and bolstering my savings account so I could pay for a few more quarters.
After college I spent two years as every employers dream: fresh out of college; willing to work for a pittance; no other responsibilities; eager to throw myself into my work. I did all that my job called for and more. I worked weekends. I volunteered for out-of-town seminars and training. If there was an opportunity to cast my pearls before the decision makers, I was there at the front of the line, freshly-ironed pantsuit gleaming. Then I committed the most selfish and inconsiderate act any woman ever can to betray her employer: I got pregnant.
I maintained my 50-60 hour-per-week devotion to work throughout my pregnancy (for the most part). My water broke one morning in December while I was getting ready for work; twenty-two hours later I was mom to a 6lb 4oz tiny baby girl! She didn't have to say anything, I knew immediately she would not tolerate my break-neck schedule.
Fast forward to the end of my maternity leave: I found myself relocating to Charlotte, NC. My current company had no openings there, and I could've spent years waiting on a transfer, so I resigned and began searching for a new job. I took a sales position with a small, up-start staffing company.
The problem with small companies is that they don't have the resources to support and maintain employees who need time off for whatever reason: their own sickness, sickness of a family member. Just before I got this job, Lacey was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and had to see a pediatric orthopedist once a week. In addition to the weekly specialist visits were ultrasounds on her hips and the usual well-baby visits with her pediatrician. Throw in a couple of ear infections, and I over-drew the already meager sick day allowance in just a few months.
It finally happened last week. I was "let go" due to excessive absences. I've never been fired from a job (let's call it what it is, rather than "let go"). I can't explain the feeling of embarrassment and failure, but also of righteousness. I could never under any circumstances short-change my daughter's health or well-being. If I had it to do over again, knowing the eventual outcome, I would take every bit of the time off again.
This whole experience leads me to ask, "How does a mother successfully maintain a career"? Things would be easier if I was still with my previous employer, as I had nearly 6 years with them, but beginning a new job? FMLA coverage doesn’t take effect until you've been with an employer for 12 months (3 more months at my last job and it would've been illegal for them to fire me due to a family member's illness). If a woman is already in a stable career, she is protected. But what about a mother entering or returning to the workforce? What incentives are there for a small business to hire or retain working moms (I'm not blind to the financial burdens placed on the businesses)?
I don't know if the answer lies in bolstering the laws that protect parents in the workforce or if the burden should lie with private companies and their policies. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I would imagine the cost of high employee turnover is greater than the cost to retain an employee through a family illness.
As I search for a new job with any luck I'll come across the solution. I'm afraid right now though, that my generation won't see any solutions. Hopefully my daughter will find it easier to play the role of both mother and wage-earner.
After college I spent two years as every employers dream: fresh out of college; willing to work for a pittance; no other responsibilities; eager to throw myself into my work. I did all that my job called for and more. I worked weekends. I volunteered for out-of-town seminars and training. If there was an opportunity to cast my pearls before the decision makers, I was there at the front of the line, freshly-ironed pantsuit gleaming. Then I committed the most selfish and inconsiderate act any woman ever can to betray her employer: I got pregnant.
I maintained my 50-60 hour-per-week devotion to work throughout my pregnancy (for the most part). My water broke one morning in December while I was getting ready for work; twenty-two hours later I was mom to a 6lb 4oz tiny baby girl! She didn't have to say anything, I knew immediately she would not tolerate my break-neck schedule.
Fast forward to the end of my maternity leave: I found myself relocating to Charlotte, NC. My current company had no openings there, and I could've spent years waiting on a transfer, so I resigned and began searching for a new job. I took a sales position with a small, up-start staffing company.
The problem with small companies is that they don't have the resources to support and maintain employees who need time off for whatever reason: their own sickness, sickness of a family member. Just before I got this job, Lacey was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and had to see a pediatric orthopedist once a week. In addition to the weekly specialist visits were ultrasounds on her hips and the usual well-baby visits with her pediatrician. Throw in a couple of ear infections, and I over-drew the already meager sick day allowance in just a few months.
It finally happened last week. I was "let go" due to excessive absences. I've never been fired from a job (let's call it what it is, rather than "let go"). I can't explain the feeling of embarrassment and failure, but also of righteousness. I could never under any circumstances short-change my daughter's health or well-being. If I had it to do over again, knowing the eventual outcome, I would take every bit of the time off again.
This whole experience leads me to ask, "How does a mother successfully maintain a career"? Things would be easier if I was still with my previous employer, as I had nearly 6 years with them, but beginning a new job? FMLA coverage doesn’t take effect until you've been with an employer for 12 months (3 more months at my last job and it would've been illegal for them to fire me due to a family member's illness). If a woman is already in a stable career, she is protected. But what about a mother entering or returning to the workforce? What incentives are there for a small business to hire or retain working moms (I'm not blind to the financial burdens placed on the businesses)?
I don't know if the answer lies in bolstering the laws that protect parents in the workforce or if the burden should lie with private companies and their policies. I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I would imagine the cost of high employee turnover is greater than the cost to retain an employee through a family illness.
As I search for a new job with any luck I'll come across the solution. I'm afraid right now though, that my generation won't see any solutions. Hopefully my daughter will find it easier to play the role of both mother and wage-earner.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Born to be a mother...
After I named this blog I struggled a bit with my title choice. Since becoming a mother nearly one year ago, I am reminded at unexpected times of the extent to which my life has changed. Things that were once priorities in my life: work, friends, leisure time, working out, all take a backseat to my new role as mother. While I love my daughter more than I ever knew it was possible to love another person, and while I love being a mother, I worry I've let any speck of what remained of me slip away.
From the second Lacey was born all this latent "wiring" sparked to life and her first cry was a lighting bold in my head, "She needs to eat" it screamed! I never expected to be so physically in tune to her needs. When she was just a few days old and I was exhausted and frustrated with her sleeping only about thirty minutes at a stretch I tried the "cry-it-out" method of teaching your child to sleep. After ten minutes of her screaming I found myself sitting outside her bedroom door a sobbing mess. Even sleep-deprived and desperate I was only happy when her needs were met. My now active "wiring" or mothering instinct controlled my actions and my happiness.
I can think of no other life event that changes who you are, what you do, or what your priorities are as much as having a child. But when I look back on the time just after I brought her home I realize I was still more than a bundle of nurturing instincts. I kept up my voracious love of reading while I breastfed and I planned (all day sometimes) to soak in a hot bubble bath while she took her longest nap of the day. I bundled Lacey up and took her on long walks in the local park...walks that I needed and she slept through. I did all this while being there for her as a mother in all the ways I needed and wanted to be.
Of all the ways I could be defined, Lacey's Mama is by far the most apt. The other things that I am are still there and as Lacey grows up I hope she will get to know me as, not just Mama, but as Mandy...the woman who made huge, life-changing decisions for her good (and will continue to make whatever changes benefit her), but who will always make time for a great piece of fiction or a walk in the park.
From the second Lacey was born all this latent "wiring" sparked to life and her first cry was a lighting bold in my head, "She needs to eat" it screamed! I never expected to be so physically in tune to her needs. When she was just a few days old and I was exhausted and frustrated with her sleeping only about thirty minutes at a stretch I tried the "cry-it-out" method of teaching your child to sleep. After ten minutes of her screaming I found myself sitting outside her bedroom door a sobbing mess. Even sleep-deprived and desperate I was only happy when her needs were met. My now active "wiring" or mothering instinct controlled my actions and my happiness.
I can think of no other life event that changes who you are, what you do, or what your priorities are as much as having a child. But when I look back on the time just after I brought her home I realize I was still more than a bundle of nurturing instincts. I kept up my voracious love of reading while I breastfed and I planned (all day sometimes) to soak in a hot bubble bath while she took her longest nap of the day. I bundled Lacey up and took her on long walks in the local park...walks that I needed and she slept through. I did all this while being there for her as a mother in all the ways I needed and wanted to be.
Of all the ways I could be defined, Lacey's Mama is by far the most apt. The other things that I am are still there and as Lacey grows up I hope she will get to know me as, not just Mama, but as Mandy...the woman who made huge, life-changing decisions for her good (and will continue to make whatever changes benefit her), but who will always make time for a great piece of fiction or a walk in the park.
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